🔗 Share this article

The current period signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {