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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were drawn to him. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several close to her vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my role between us feels one-sided. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I have returned from 30 days in that place she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she can understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern when you talk. It should be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. What you feel belong to you, after all. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be effective in fostering mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version about themselves they won't release because their very survival relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might start out defensively before reflecting on your words. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you closure that you've been honest with her.